Broken Pieces Of My Heart


“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).

I tripped over my dog and hit the table, my favorite crystal vase had fallen to the floor and smashed to a thousand pieces. Somehow, in the scattered fragments I saw a picture of my own broken life. Ironically it was an anniversary gift from my now ex-husband.

As I began to pick up the shattered pieces, tears stung my eyes and the pain of brokenness surfaced again. It’s a deep hurt. The kind not easily healed. My heart was crushed as if it had been stomped on, broken and discarded, and in a real sense, it had. Unable to progress in my life, I became a hostage to my own sadness. I felt weak and desperate for hope.

No one enjoys the pain of walking thru the valley of brokenness, I know I don’t. Normally, it will call for a letting go of something near and dear to us, something we are holding onto too tightly.  In my life, it was/is the marriage I thought would last my lifetime. At the time it’s happening, it doesn’t make any sense.  Why would God allow a wayward spouse, so deep in sin to hurt one of His children?

I have been a Christian long enough to know this:  It’s for this reason that God allows us to be broken. Not to cause us undue pain. I believe He feels our pain and sorrows.  Not because He doesn’t love us. Instead …It is the very opposite.

He allows us to be broken to build us up.  And that my friends is a good thing!

He begins to chip away anything in our life that is hindering us from completely entering into His glorious plan for our lives.

God will target an area of our life that we’re unwilling to submit to Him. I know for me it was an unhealthy relationship I did not want to release. After my husband divorced me, I held on to the hope that one day, he would repent of his sin and come back to me.  It caused me to become stunted spiritually.  Hindering the growth He wanted to do in my life. I found myself focusing on him (ex-husband) instead of experiencing the fullness of God.

Whatever the cause of your brokenness, our tendency is to hold tightly to these things we believe it’s what we want and what is best for us. We’re convinced they please us by providing the joy, pleasure, and fulfillment we seek. But God knows the truth. Only He can truly satisfy our deepest longings. All else is counterfeit to His provision.

Therefore, God will select the tools it takes to break our self-sufficiency and cause us turn to Him fully. When we give up our independence and finally really let go, we gain a new perspective of God’s plan and purpose for our lives.

That is why I picked this verse today A great picture of this process is found in our key verse. “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).

Unless the kernel is buried and dies, it will produce nothing. It will remain alone,  a solitary stalk of corn. I love the state of Iowa with all it’s fields of corn, you can see row after row.  Imagine passing a field that only had one blade of corn. You might ask, “Where’s the rest of corn and why did the farmer plant only one blade of corn?” However, if the kernel dies, it will produce a great harvest.  It will multiply into a bountiful harvest.

Consider then, the life of Jesus. On earth, He was like a single stalk of corn. Yet, through His death, burial, and resurrection, His life continually produces a harvest of souls.  What if I continue to live a selfish life fixed on my wants and desires. I will produce little to nothing in God’s harvest. On the other hand, if I die to myself and live according to God’s plan, Giving up all my selfish desires and truly let go.  I will yield a productive life that’s beneficial to God and others.

The more we become like Him, the more we become like who God intended us to be. The more open my heart is to God fully, the more I will have love, patience, and the more joyful and content I will become.

Think of it like this. For the corn to reproduce itself, it had to die. For Christ to reproduce Himself in others, He had to die. If I desire Christ’s life to be reproduced in me, I, too, must die to the lure of the world and my own selfishness. Then, I will experience the fullness of God I desire and reproduce disciples of the same kind. Jesus put it this way:

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it Matthew 16:25 

Sometimes, in my life, God needs to break me, to build me back up and bless me.  As hard as that is, Honestly, I am thankful, because I want the life God desires to give me instead of settling for so much less.

Dear Heavenly Father, help me die to the desires of this world and my selfishness that I might find the life You created for me.  Help me to grow in the Grace and Knowledge of you.  Help me, Lord to continue to look forward to ALL that you have me today! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Author: Cheryl Downum

My name is Cheryl Downum, Divorced in 2015, I moved from Atascadero ca to the Temecula Valley in Socal. As I’ve walked this journey, I’ve found myself growing closer to Jesus. My heart is now infused with empathy for others that find themselves in this place. And, God has given me a story, a message of hope to share. A message birthed in my brokenness that brought forth a sweet-surrendered dependence on God’s unconditional acceptance and love. The reason I am writing this blog is; I have found in my life that the Lord often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad to our deepest calling. My desire is to encourage His children to seek a deeper relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. I hope that as you read my blog, you will feel inspired and encouraged. Thank you for visiting! God Bless! The Lord has opened a door for me in ministry with women who have been raped/sexually assault or abused by their spouse.  I have become a fulltime Advocate for women with a national organization.  For more information on this exciting chapter in my life, please visit my Healing Heart Blog I am a Survivor and an Advocate, I am passionate about raising awareness about Rape/Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence. Visit my The healing heart facebook page

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