My Ex-Husbands Cruelest Blow


He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Today I have a heavy heart. Grief hits each one of us and can come from so many different directions and can hit us at the most inopportune times.  Dreams with a hope and future dashed in an instant. I know. I’ve lived it, too.

I am a Christian Advocate for Domestic Violence/Assault with a Christian Coalition and will be traveling a lot next year.  So, I am in the process of downsizing, going through everything I own and getting rid of things I no longer need.  I will be relocating soon to a smaller place.  While I was going thru paperwork, I noticed my divorce decree, I noticed something I had never noticed before.  I looked down and on the signature line and my ex-husband signed his name with a christian fish after his name.  He choose to divorce me, after I separated due to his abusive nature. Instead of doing the hard work to reconcile, he chose divorce.  But, to think he put a christian fish on this document, hit me hard.  How can any Christian think the Lord is glorified by a divorce.  After almost 20 years together and you rejoice in the failing of our marriage?

There is hardly a subject more confusing than trying to figure out the reasoning behind why one Christian marriage partner could ever even think it’s acceptable to abuse and hurt their spouse. This is the marriage “partner” who vowed before God to “love and honor.”  Then to put a christian fish on this worldly document.  Shameful!

It’s amazing how a professing Christian can so deeply hurt the one he said he loved. The one that stood and promised the Lord to love and cherish until death due us part.  He is hiding behind the Bible and the slanted logic of blaming me, his marriage partner to justify his wrongful behavior, instead of facing his sin. How do you make sense of something so bizarre?

I have been living apart from my now ex-husband for three full years. Therefore, I’ve had time to get used to this single life. I was served with a petition for dissolution of marriage two years ago so I’ve had some time to get used to the idea of, you know, actually being divorced. Except, here’s the thing.  The coldness of seeing this on the decree slayed me.

Does he really think the Lord is glorified thru this?

I realize he has been telling people “the Lord took her out of my marriage for my ministry”  This is not God’s character!  So, I should not be surprised.

Why am I so shocked by this…Because honestly, deep down, I thought the trigger would never be pulled on our marriage.  Then to see he was celebrating as he signed this default judgement was completely overwhelming.

This divorce, our divorce – this forever severing as the decree calls it – will be my biggest regret and sadness for the rest of my life, no matter what else is in store for me. I will walk through the rest of my days holding the fact, “we should have never married,”  It’s all a mystery. One I will grasp lightly, knowing I’ll never fully understand the why’s behind it all.  The Lord’s heart is always restoration, He is in the business of changing hearts.  I cannot and will not ever think the angels in heaven were rejoicing as we divorced.  How dare him belittle our marriage like this.  To belittle my value like this.

I am saddened the most by the fact that his heart is so hard that he could rejoice at the end of our marriage.  Any marriage..Let alone a marriage that the Lord Ordained.  That he has so skewed scripture to empower his sinfulness.  My bible interpretation and my Jesus loves marriage and designed it for His glory.  So, I am not sure what interpretation he is basing his decision making on.

Today I am requesting permission to be sad for a while…from myself, from God, from the people in my life. But then there will be a time — I know it’s time to move completely on. But, today is not that day.  Today I will mourn.

I guess, the realization that I gave my heart to a man, that would rejoice and Praise the Lord for our marriage ending is sobering.  Especially, because I am the one who had the right to divorce, but tried with all my heart to do everything I could to change his heart and prayed he would surrender his entire life to the lord.  Even though my life is peaceful, happy and blessed now, I still grieve the ending, I will NEVER rejoice in it.

Jesus came to heal all those who are in despair, all those who hurt and mourn? Are the divorced included?  Of course!  I know with all my heart the Lord mourns the ending of any marriage.  No matter what the reason.  God hates divorce, it is NOT a time for rejoicing.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Jesus was our example of how to treat hurting people. He never turned anyone away, and He was moved with compassion for the hurting. We can follow in His steps by applying His Word. The steps are outlined for us in Isaiah 61:1-3.

God grieves with us when a wayward spouse says, I just don’t love you anymore, and He longs to bring comfort and healing to your broken heart. To think I meant so little to my ex-husband that as a professing christian that he would rejoice at divorcing me hurts deeply.  It is such a foreign concept to me, because I felt that I had not only failed at the relationship with my husband, but I have failed God and the church through the divorce.  I grieved for more than 3 years.

The ink is dry on paper. But the ink is not yet dry on my heart. That’s going to take a while. Gratefully, I’ve got the time — all the time in the world. I’ve got God, my patient, gentle Healer who will hold my hand, walk alongside me, make all things new, and promises – absolutely promises – to bring beauty from these ashes

I realize that through this, that it is impossible with my limited knowledge to see all God is doing to draw my ex-husband to Him. I may not ever see evidence of conviction for years, if ever. That doesn’t mean God isn’t pursuing him. I need to remember that God has an eternal perspective. His timetable is not my own.  I pray the Lord opens his eye’s and the Holy Spirit reveals to him the damage he has done to my life.

At one of my lowest moments, realization and remembrance flooded my heart and mind: God lost His Son, His only Son. The Father know’s my loss, pain and brokenness oh so well.

That revelation was like supernatural glue applied to bind my wounded soul. The lost, dark, broken part will be receding as God proceeds to heal my broken heart with His love.

I am ready to lay my heavy cares at the foot of the cross … and leave that burden there, so I can step into God’s plans. Jesus promised, “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light,” (Matthew 11:30, NKJV).

So, as the Lord’s heart is to never to rejoice in causing someones pain, hurt and sorrow.  I know he was grieved when my ex-husband signed his name with a christian fish, realizing he destroyed all my Hopes, dreams, and future …leaving me broken.

Dear Lord, I come to you today with a heavy heart. You know my heartache, my cares, my concerns and all that burdens me. I thank you that you are a loving, caring Father. Today I ask that you would give me the strength to relinquish control of my feelings and all my burdens. I now choose to give them over to you. You said in your Word that you know every tiny detail of my life and all that concerns me. Help me to believe and trust that you are taking care of all my concerns.  Father, help me ease the grip on my grief and lay it at the foot of Your Son’s cross. Thank You that You can bind our wounds and heal our broken hearts. Remind us of Your magnificent plans for us, Lord God. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.




Author: Cheryl Downum

My name is Cheryl Downum, Divorced in 2015, I moved from Atascadero ca to the Temecula Valley in Socal. As I’ve walked this journey, I’ve found myself growing closer to Jesus. My heart is now infused with empathy for others that find themselves in this place. And, God has given me a story, a message of hope to share. A message birthed in my brokenness that brought forth a sweet-surrendered dependence on God’s unconditional acceptance and love. The reason I am writing this blog is; I have found in my life that the Lord often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad to our deepest calling. My desire is to encourage His children to seek a deeper relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. I hope that as you read my blog, you will feel inspired and encouraged. Thank you for visiting! God Bless! The Lord has opened a door for me in ministry with women who have been raped/sexually assault or abused by their spouse.  I have become a fulltime Advocate for women with a national organization.  For more information on this exciting chapter in my life, please visit my Healing Heart Blog I am a Survivor and an Advocate, I am passionate about raising awareness about Rape/Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence. Visit my The healing heart facebook page

2 thoughts on “My Ex-Husbands Cruelest Blow”

  1. God may hate “divorce.” Trust me, He hates “abuse” more. “Abuse” is the very thing which tortured Jesus. An abuser never takes the blame for their actions, trust me I know. When they “abused” Jesus, remember it was all His fault, because He taught things they did not want to believe.

    Someone else has always been the “cause” of their behavior. From childhood to adulthood. They are the most self-pitying people I have ever known.

    Hang in there. I got out of mine, and don’t even think about it anymore. That day will come for you also. God Bless, SR

    Liked by 1 person

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